'Blue Movies' is Silicone Valley's '30 Rock'

In a previous life I think I was a fluff girl so I’m kind of sensitive about behind the scenes porno shows. While most of you were laughing it up watching Trey Parker shave his balls in Orgazmo I was strapped into a 94-minute emotional roller coaster ride of painful memories.

So what can be expected from Blue Movies, a new web series from creator/director Scott Brown? Well if you don’t have painful and repressed memories of pleasuring the leading man off camera while trying to support three children all under the age of four I think you’ll be getting some pretty fantastically good awesomeness out of this one.

Episode 1 (above), “The First Time,” opens with a “pivotal scene” from a special Batman adaptation, “The Dark Night: Full of Hot Freakin’ Orgies,” where an actually well costumed and acted Joker Zack Gold reenacts the famous disappearing pencil scene. Here though, instead of using someone’s forehead they cleverly use a mammoth purple dildo surrounded by various orifice filling jokes – nice! When it works it works.

The show follows an idealistic film school student, Tom, played by Back Bennet, as he interns for Pornamount Studios, (you guessed it) an adult film company. Only Tom isn’t clued in on the whole porn aspect of the company until a topless starlet complains about having to do a “thing” with three guys and a little guy that used to be a chick. Overworked assistant Anna Sascha Alexander, who seems to be the glue that holds everything together, reassures her that “nobody is going to be putting 3 ½ anythings anywhere.”

Of course Tom, being the film school type who is all into film as art, has a bit of a meltdown about the whole thing and demands some face time with sexual renaissant director, Max Chapman, played by Jareb Dauplaise. Max is able to quickly defuse the whole situation by educating Tom in regards to all things grand and universal and yes, artistic, about porn. At one point he quips, “Every minute more people are watching porn than live in Rome.” Well, I’m sold.

The writing and dialogue here is great. I can’t believe how many excellent lines are packed into such a short segment and yet it never feels rushed. Everything flows naturally keeping the pace right for a web short. It is full of the overplayed and over joked porn show names taken from actual movie titles but instead of being groaners they are actually witty and original. My two favorites are “Men in Black Men,” and “Lawrence of a Labia.” And the best line so far has to be when director Max is arguing with one of his actors: “You want to get paid or not Brando? I can pick up a whole family of Mexicans that will do this sh!t for free AND mow my lawn.” You have to respect a show that isn’t afraid of a little racial insensitivity in this day and age.

So, for all you boys and girls out there who aren’t living the American dream by fluffing all the cool kids to ensure their success at your own expense, you owe it to yourselves to strap-on er…in and watch Blue Movies at KoldCast TV. It will not disappoint.