Jerry Springer’s latest iteration of voyeuristic, tabloid television comes in the form of GSN’s Baggage.

On the dating show, the former mayor of Cincinnati and host of his eponymous syndicated talk show guides a bachelor or bachelorette through a series of revelations about three prospective dates. The catch? The prospective dates have baggage. Literally. They each tote three suitcases along with them, and each suitcase contains a secret. The bigger the suitcase, the bigger the secret. It’s pretty okay as far as bad television goes, though watching really just makes you nostalgic for dating shows from the format’s Golden Age in the early 2000s, when Blind Date and The Fifth Wheel ruled the ratings.

perez-hilton-baggageWhile Springer will never top Roger Lodge in my book, Baggage isn’t doing too shabby.

GSN recently debuted the series’ second season and signed svelte Hollywood blogger, Perez Hilton for a short-form web series as a companion to the cable TV show. Dubbed Perez Hilton’s Baggage Report, the series will consist of eight weekly segments “highlighting some of the best and worst baggage featured in season two” of the program.

Hilton is reported to provide “commentary on the contestants and their baggage in his own special way,” but if you’re hoping that means snark written in white sharpie across the screen, you’re in for a disappointment. Baggage Report is a mediocre clip show a best, that once again leaves you longing for the witty, pop-up stylings from the Golden Age of dating shows.

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