You Don't Watch 'The Chuck Norris Show.' 'The Chuck Norris Show' Watches You.

You know you’re in for some comedy (or at least an attempt at comedy) when the theme song for the web show you’re watching is a dead ringer cross between Wayne’s World and Team America. That’s like a pre-laugh track. Or a big blinking sign above the embedded viewing window that reads, “Get Ready for Funny!” In this instance it’s kinda an accurate preface, at least some of the time.

Currently in the middle of its first season, Mania TV‘s The Chuck Norris Show features members of National Lampoon’s Lemmings – the comedy corporation’s official touring troupe that helped launch the careers of John Belushi and Chevy Chase.

Clad in a workout attire that would make Rocky III jeaous and a Walker Texas Ranger getup supported by a Lonestar beltbuckle, Sitara Falcon (yes, that’s his real name) channels Chuck Norris (you know it’s Chuck Norris because of the beard, occasional kung-fu moves, and because he says so) as he hosts a rambling parody of your average daytime television talk show.

In front of an American flag, jokes made mainstream famous by Chuck Norris Facts run rampant. Our host takes credit for thwarting crime, writing wrongs, and having biceps like cords of twisted steel. He works out with his Herniator and lifts moon rocks, which, because of the gravity difference, are much heavier on earth. When he drops them they make a loud noise.

The episode with Matt Iseman is simply a promo for his upcoming Sports Soup on Versus, but promotion is what talks shows are for. The two partake in some moderately unfunny interactions, i.e. enumerating all the athletes whose asses Chuck Norris could kick (Muhammad Ali, the 80’s Chicago Super Bowl Bears, etc..) without any benefit of a punchline other than faux Norris throwing a kung-fu comb.

Other segments include Cooking with Chuck Norris, where Chucken Noodle Soup is made. For comedic effect, Chuck Norris adds volcanic gravel and motor oil (Don’t drink the motor oil Chuck! He does.) and doesn’t use noodles “because noodles are gay.”

By this time the series is in desperate need of some good old fashioned Texas wranglin’. A web show with a one-joke premise needs to be uber-short, but with episodes bordering on the 10-minute mark, the Lemmings have let a good bit run wild. There are some decent zingers in The Chuck Norris Show, but they’re too few and far between to warrant a sustained watch.

Check it out for yourself at Mania TV.