pass the mustard - ned[Ed: This is the latest installment of our weekly web series critic column Pass The Mustard. No sugar coating, no doublespeak, no hand holding. Just brutally honest reactions from one guy: Ned Hepburn. We’ll throw a handful of web series at him each week. Agree, disagree, love him, hate him, but please don’t punch him. Got something clever to say in retort? Leave a comment below. He’ll probably read it and embarrass you later. His opinions are his own, so take them or leave them. See last week’s column here.]

This week Obama told me that we have a lot of work to do. So let’s get right to it.

Jordan and Bear
Finally, a show that I’ll come back and watch again on my own accord. It’s gritty, middle-paced, and fun to watch. I don’t want to spoil any surprises so I’ll leave out the plot, but it’s very watchable. Weirdly enough they haven’t made any episodes since May of last year, which is a shame, because I like this one.

Perhaps it’s just because I have a weird sense of humor. Perhaps I’m a closet Furry. Perhaps my name on Yifftalk is ‘FoxBro69’ and you’d like to chat sometime. Perhaps we drink absinthe and watch the Disney version of Robin Hood while I give you a massage in full costume. However. I digress. Not a bad show.

My Indie Life
Look at these two! They’re adorable! It’s like Urban Outfitters: The Show! I really like this. It’s a music talk show hybrid where “two chums talk about music” is the order of the day. It comes off like some sort of cable access show*, but it’s oddly charming. Weirdly enough, I think stuff like this is the future of music television – the world needs more of this. Even if I don’t agree with the musical taste all that much (Sweater Rock), I really dig the fact that they’re trying and at least SOUND like they know what they’re talking about. Not too shabby, you guys! Try a few risks, maybe, but if you keep at this for a while longer this jusssst might be the little music-webshow that could.

*The main presenter guy reminds me of a cross between Garth Algar and The Brave Little Toaster for reasons I just can’t explain in words. Interpretive dance, maybe, but we don’t have time for that here.

Leidy’s New Boyfriend
Not too sure about this one. Perhaps it’s the Cinemax porn music playing in the background or perhaps it’s the girl in rollerblades (I was weaned on Thrasher Magazine, y’all). I keep thinking this is going to turn into some hardcore. Sadly, it doesn’t. The actors seem pretty cool, though. Who wrote this? Do they also write Skinemax?

This is classic Film School (capital F capital S) stuff, with (sadly) laughable dialogue (FILM SCHOOL KIDS. LEARN HOW TO WRITE DIALOGUE. THE WORLD IS NOT A FRENCH NEW WAVE FILM), yet despite the actors best efforts it’s highly unbelievable and laugh out loud silly. That said, it’s shot pretty well. Ho hum.

Here’s my main gripe: In episode 5 the main dude is in chains and in a basement and you’d think that I’d give a shit but I really don’t – it’s just kind of boring. I’m going to have to pass on this. C’mon, film school kids. Stop trying to be someone else, be it David Lynch or Tarantino, and start being yourself. I’ll give props to the actor and the main actress, who seem to be bulletproof, and must be, after acting in something like this.

Full Nelson
This little nugget aims for the middle-low brow and succeeds and I’m actually quite impressed. Remember all those “other” SNL sketches that never get played on highlight reels but there’s always the one kid at school who’ll say “Goulet!” or “Such is Mango!” and it’ll be only you and him laughing? This is sort of like that.

It’s a wrestling comedy and thus a bro-comedy and while the interweb seems to be TEEMING with such things, this stands out just enough. Why? Because they take a few risks by going over the top in a few places where others might not. I’ve said this about other series: it’s hardly Citizen Kane, but it’s appealing.

This week’s mustard: it’s a tie between Jordan & The Bear and ‘IndieTalk’.

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