New York’s forgotten borough. The fifth of the five. Staten Island. The receptacle of NYC’s garbage (paper, plastic and sometimes human). A place where the makeup is thick and the tans are greasy. A land of quasi-suburbia not at all dissimilar to Long Island, both full of denizens proud to rock the banner of Bridge and Tunnel. What good can come from places like this?
Well Scott Franklin a.k.a. Adam Paranoia and Stevie Ryan have found something. The duo who recently brought us Scene Kid Love is at it again, satirizing another cross section of Americana. This time around in their web series, The Islands, the pair mercilessly targets the guido culture of Staten Island and Long Island.
The show starts off with the two main characters: guidette Allie and the object of her affection Nicky Bones. Both to the camera from separate locations recalling their first encounter at the Avolon in Manhatten. Allie tells us the magic pickup line that won her heart: “‘You look just like Christina Aguilera in her dirty days when she had dark hair.’ I died,” she reminisces.
Nicky musing on that magic night: “You know to be honest with you I was goin for Alley’s friend but then I saw that f’in whore f’in makin out with the doorman so I went for Allie instead.”
The hair and the make-up are great. Franklin’s prodigious use of razors and barbells perfectly accent his persona and Allie’s sister has the fake and baked tan of an internet porn star pop-up ad where the model posed for free.
Nicky’s mom has the classic Staten Island miwlf look: bleached blond dyed hair with excess black roots and poorly augmented lips. In one scene she is locked in the bathroom doing blow while her easily agitated son, sporting a shaving cream covered unibrow, is blocked from finishing his shaving job. Alley’s dad is played by a skinnier (just a little bit) version of 30 Rock‘s gray haired Alec Baldwin if he was a member of the Sopranos cast wearing the latest wife beater attire.
Unlike Scene Kid Love, which is running on YouTube virtually uncontested, there is another group online riffing on this same genre: Douchebag Beach. While from slightly different locales (these dbags hail from the New Jersey Shore) the accents and material are like minded. Both embellish and poke fun at the worst stereotypical parts of those who come into Manhattan on the weekends to party.
If the prolific and greatly popular Scene Kid Love is any indicator, Scott Franklin and Stevie Ryan will likely keep the story and the drama of The Islands fresh and moving along smoothly, with at least a few unexpected turns. My advice to you, espeically if you live in the Tri-State Area: Quit reading this, do a couple car bombs and go get greasy dirty with The Islands.