When I was a kid, I had a gi-normous crush on Kim Cattrall. She was Gracie Law in Big Trouble in Little China, a classic if there ever was one (if they remake this, I swear, I’ll take a hostage). A few years later she was the first woman I ever saw with washboard abs when she appeared in Masquerade. She stripped down in that one and, next thing you know, I had big trouble in MY little China. Oh, throw in Mannequin, as well.

Now, of course, she has been stolen by a generation of cosmo-swilling, insufferable Sex and the City fans as Amanda. In that role she helped to solidify the term “cougar” in our vernacular, the word being so much more digestible than “pathetic old whore.”

Ouch, you say? Well, first, I’m talking about the character, not Cattrall. Second, let’s make one thing perfectly clear: Obviously, single women over forty can be sexy and desirable. I’m just saying they are not being portrayed in the popular media as such when the term “cougar” is applied. The title’s begotten caricature. Take, for instance, Sex and the City, any Real Housewives series and, now, the web series Cougars.

Cougars is from Ironsink.com which has been doing a good job of providing consistent original web content. Modelball is a nice little diversion, for instance. Cougars is, well, I’m not really sure what Cougars is.

The recently divorced Renee (looking too young to be a true cougar) has just moved into town from Minnesota with her son (he’s underage but looks about 25), Bobby. Evidently, Renee thinks it’s a good idea to hit the town on her own and immediately meets Amy at the local watering hole. This is the stomping ground for Amy’s cougar buddies, the Stray Cats, consisting of Shauna (I think, the audio was muffled) the gynecologist and the sassy Jolene, the oldest of the group. Not present was Brian Setzer who is out doing a holiday show.

Renee later gets caught in a compromising position, by her son and his friends, with David (another friend), no less. And by compromising, I mean, ankles in the air. If this was a porn, everyone would stay and fix the cable, but it’s not, so Bobby leaves in disgust and scarred for life. Eventually, Bobby tries to get back at his Mom by hitting on Amy on a different night. And so the saga continues

I’m not sure what I was watching. I’m going with a new sub-genre: “fetish webisodes.” This is either aimed at dirty young men or older single women. But, since it’s kinda insulting to older single women who don’t appear on Real Housewives of Orange County, I’m going with the former.

I think this might be a comedy (a twenty-year-old going home with a sixty-something?), but it’s not that funny. It would be more interesting as a drama, but there is no compelling conflict. And yes, I know what a damn “dramedy” is, too (it’s not this).

Maybe I’m taking the idea of Cougars too seriously. Well, the series isn’t anchored in a broad enough comedic world for me to take it as anything but. It’s soapy, yes, but still presented as realism. “A cougar takes what she wants. No commitments. No attachments.” This is the first rule of cougar club (Feel free to guess the second so I don’t have to type my joke). Really? Listen, we don’t need to get into the whole older male/female double standard sexuality discussion. I just don’t think this is a very flattering portrayal of women.

Also, I miss character development. I’ve already made a plea for some true story-telling on the web. Stop with the “concepts” and get with the stories. And will someone PLEASE start including the credits with these shows? This is becoming way too common. Regardless of the outcome, everyone does a better than average job here and they deserve shout-outs.

I like some of Ironsink’s other productions, just not this one. But keep at it, guys. You can’t win ’em all. And you’ll always have Shatner. Maybe he could guest star on Cougars as a cougar who is really T.J. Hooker undercover. Then, he could fight crime with Brian Setzer. As for you, Kim Cattrall, to me, you will always be “the girl with the green eyes.”

Watch Cougars at Ironsink.com.

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