pass the mustard - ned[Ed: This is the latest installment of our weekly web series critic column Pass The Mustard. No sugar coating, no doublespeak, no hand holding. Just brutally honest reactions from one guy: Ned Hepburn. We’ll throw a handful of web series at him each week. Agree, disagree, love him, hate him, but please don’t punch him. Got something clever to say in retort? Leave a comment below. He’ll probably read it and embarrass you later. His opinions are his own, so take them or leave them. See last’s week’s column here.]

Hello, everyone. Let me first just say – in the words of Tina Turner – you’re simply the best. Did you have a good Christmas (or Hanukkah! and why not?) and New Years break? Did you get what you want? Oh, me? I was in Hawaii. I went swimming with sharks. It was pretty badass. Yeah, that’s what I do when I’m blogging. That and listen to Fats Domino with my pet bulldog that can skateboard (which I don’t have hey you know what you should send me some money so I can get one there’s an original idea). That and I’m also dating Natalie Portman and 1996 Neve Campbell. Yup. That’s the bloggers lifestyle. Always be bloggin’™. That’s my motto.

Supa Pirate Booty Hunt

Supa Pirate Booty Hunt

This is an oddly charming “Rock & Roll Pirate” flash animation show that falls somewhere between Adult Swim and full on Mel Brooks schtick. It doesn’t quite manage to do either, but this gets better while watching it continuosly. You know, if they made this a 22 minute cartoon of this, I’d totally watch it stoned on a Wednesday and enjoy it, do you know what I mean? It’s hardly Shakespeare, yet it’s Ren & Stimy-esque, and that’s a good thing. You know… the biggest problem with web shows is that they either go too niche or – even worse – they don’t know what the hell they are. This is just niche enough (stoner slapstick) to make it funny and doesn’t have an issue with itself. I like it. You should too. This wins this week.

The Puppet Tree
I do not like this. It’s really bad. It’s puppets and puns for what seems like hours. It’s like cruise ship comedy, folks. I’m really sorry, you guys. You know what? If anyone involved in this show happens to see me in a bar, I’ll buy you a… I don’t know… Bud Light or something because I genuinely feel bad about what appear to be two really nice guys doing a quite nice puppet show and I’m not saying everything has to be “guns and pussy” or “. Because unless this is, like, Christian Teen Summer Camp, then I’m going to go ahead and say this painful. I don’t get it. Are you going for satire? Oh dear.

We Have To Stop Now
I don’t get this. This is some David Lynch kind of shit. This is like watching Mulholland Drive on a fistful of Ambien. It’s a show about lesbians and it’s delivered in that lesbian humor sort of way, and yes, that is a genre, have you ever been to a kareoke bar, I think we all know what I’m talking about – and moving on. I like the lead actresses. They totally make out (hey! well! fancy that!), but I couldn’t tell until the end of episode two that they were indeed lesbians at all. This is sort of the way I feel about the whole show, I can’t quite follow really what’s going on as the characters seem to be firing off these pregnant pauses and zippy lines. And then there’s Sex In The City sort of music in the background. Even if I was a lesbian (hey! think about that, why dontcha!) I’m not sure I would necessarily appreciate this, it’s pretty niche even for lesbianisticness. Which is totally a word. I swear. I just played it at Scrabble.


IDUMP4U
This is… this isn’t right. I don’t know. I feel bad about this. This is just bitter. The whole concept of the show is that you pay these guy on IDump4u.com ten frickin’ dollars to have them break up with your significant other. It’s just sad, and kind of mean, and is like some terrible VH1 sort of show. And I’m not trying to be overtly mean about this. It’s shit like this that makes me want to punch people. This is like high school jock shit. And not in a One Tree Hill or Varsity Blues kind of way, this comes from a really dark place. It’s not fun nor particularly winsome. It’s rather disturbing.

Got a show you want to throw mercilessly at Ned? Email tips[at]tubefilter.tv

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